Getting engaged Malagasy style

No, I didn't get engaged, though scared you there for a second, right? I did go to an engagement "party" as it were. I guess that's the best word to explain it, but it really doesn't do it justice. My friend, Andry's, cousin was getting engaged, and since this is a very traditional and important part of Malagasy culture I was invited to come along and learn. And what a learning experience it was.

It started at 9:30 am with a meeting at Andry's cousin, Vahini, the girl's family's home. There were basic morning refreshments until everyone arrived and then they got down to business. The main room of the house had been transformed into a sort of meeting hall, with the room divided in half and chairs set up facing each other. All of Andry's family was there for the girl's side, and all of her intended fiance's family was there on the other side. Her fiance was sitting in a chair in between the two factions, and Vahini herself was not in the room, but actually hidden away somewhere. There was a "porte parole" or speaker for both sides, and the goal of this whole meeting was to negotiate this engagement. Girl children are very valuable to families, so it was the job of the boys family to prove his love for Vahini, how he will take care of her etc. The two sides go back and forth telling stories and using proverbs to explain their points. For this couple, it was mostly a formality since they had been dating for awhile, and both families were happy with the relationship. One of my favorite points however was when the boy's family used her name as a little play on words. Vahini means "guest", and they said that she wouldn't be the guest in their family, but the landlord. And everyone laughed at the cleverness.

However this is a tradition that is extremely important and followed by everyone. Apparently, a long time ago, and probably in some of the remoter villages still, this negotiation meant a lot more and other things were involved, like how many zebu (or cows, a major currency here) the boys family will give the girls family etc. Now, the boys family just brings the best meat of the cow, the rump, or ass if you will. I of course did not understand all of this meeting, but much was explained to me afterwards. At around 11am, after they were finally finished discussing and everyone was agreed, the boys family asked to see Vahini, like she was some special angel, and she appeared dressed beautifully to much applause. They gave flowers and the ring, and then we did the reception line to give our congratulations.

But wait, it's not over. Then, it was time to eat, dance and party. We went to this nice reception hall place, and I swear there were 8 courses of food, dancing throughout the whole thing, a huge cake, speeches, toasts. They had even received a car as a new gift. And this was just the engagement, the wedding will supposedly be even bigger. Also, the engagement party is traditionally paid for by the girl's side of the family, and the wedding is not only paid for by the groom (or his family) but the ceremony takes place at his church, and he even buys the wedding dress.

Throughout the whole thing, people kept asking me my opinion, and how it compares to America, and I didn't really know what to answer. I mean, we don't do anything at all close to this. Our tradition of take the girl out to a nice dinner or surprise her with something romantic, get down on one knee and give her a ring, seems to pale in comparison now. And after explaining it that way, people were like, "And?"... and then you annouce it to your family and start planning the wedding. I kept telling people that their party was on par with our wedding receptions, and that in comparison, getting engaged is not actually as big of a deal in America. I think they were slightly disappointed really. We finally left at 5:30pm and I have to admit that I was exhausted.

In other news, my lecture at the American Studies Conference went splendidly and I was really happy with it afterwards and got lots of questions. I think that there is such a lack of any discussion, images or really anything about homosexuality here that people are genuinely curious and want to understand. People even shared their own experiences after traveling in America and meeting gay and lesbian couples. I was really happy that I was able to share a little bit about this important, through controversial, aspect of our culture and that it was informative and interesting to the audience of Malagasy teachers and students of American culture.

So, I leave two weeks from tomorrow. Have I started packing? Nope. Have I started organizing? In my head, I have it all planned out. Have I started cleaning my apartment? Not even close, in fact, it's just getting dirtier. My mom thinks I'm in denial about leaving, and she may be right. But I've promised myself to appreciate Madagascar everyday until I leave. And I'm really going to try to take more pictures... really, I am!